Marriage

Struggling Marriages can benefit from  transformative and practical guidance.

Not a fan of traditional marriage counseling? Some spouses don't resonate with that model. Let's find what works for you and clear up some very simple to address issues so that more difficult issues can then be resolved.

Along with the specific personalities each spouse has, the different ways men and women think, solve problems, etc. impacts heavily what happens in a marriage. Let's decode some of that and create some new dynamics. Each person concentrates on him or herself, and all you need to bring is goodwill.  I can work with one or both spouses. This can be done in less time than you think, and it can actually be enjoyable.

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I have worked with newly married couples, those who married later in life, empty nesters or those soon to be, and those who are, or whose spouses are, considering gray divorce.

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I do not shy away from the most difficult issues, and I know that every relationship can improve. 

Perhaps your marriage has a good foundation, but you've found some things have crept in that are causing issues. We assess how things are going,  address any identified issues, and cover  some common practical skills that make a big difference. Couples I speak to say the work we do helped them finally break the code to better understand themselves and their spouses. I have information you can keep in your toolbox on many, many topics. This is usually a short-term set of conversations.

Couples needing assistance while waiting to get into a marriage program or counselor can benefit from a tailored approach which tackles a few topics ahead of your turn on the waiting list. We'll assess and make a plan for each of you to work on individually, and if possible, attend to a few things you can work on together. There is plenty we can do that will be transformative and make any program you do attend more productive. Some people found the work we do to be all they needed. Others said they had tilled the soil for more success at the program they were soon to attend. Let's get started.

How much should you get involved? What are the most important messages to share with your loved one? What about those uncomfortable topics? Will this impact negatively your relationship? How do you support without over-stepping. I often prepare people to speak to their loved ones, to offer wisdom, guidance, and support, as well as encouragement to find further help needed. We go over the dos and don'ts and approaches that can be helpful.

In your professional or nonprofit life you come into contact with people in struggling marriages, and knowing what your role is, and what it is not, is critical.

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What can you offer appropriately from your role?  What resources can you recommend that offer genuine help? 

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What are the dos and don'ts?  What are the important messages to share?  What issues are outside your scope?

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I've worked with and trained priests and deacons as well as other professionals. Our combined training and desire to support marriages and families heal provided confidence and conviction, more tools for the toolbox, and clarity on what messages to share and how to share them. I remain available for backup whenever needed.

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There is so much hope for suffering marriages. I'll offer you tools for you in being marriage-affirming in a divorce-affirming world.

You want your employees, volunteers, and your entire organization to know how to support marriages and families, though you are not a marriage therapy organization. This is a divorce-affirming culture, and in the vast majority of cases, marriages can heal, and that benefits everyone.

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You want the role of your organization in this area to be clear and appropriate, truly helpful, and you don't want to your organization to veer into topics that are outside your scope.

This is sometimes referred to as "marriage first responding" which is accurate. Medical first responders establish breathing and a heart beat. They stop the bleeding among other true medical first responding tasks. If specialists are needed for ongoing help, the ambulance brings them to the hospital.

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To support spouses in crisis marriages, you can be trained to slow the train heading for divorce, to provide hope, to share messages of truth regarding marriage, and to provide resources for further help.

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We will assess your needs, fill up your toolbox, and train your people.

This is a broad area. I have worked with those who, for various reasons, need a better understanding of the family, of the institution of marriage, of the impact of healthy marriages on the spouses, the children, the circle of friends and family around the marriage, and society generally. This may not be related at all to any particular marriage, but is related to what you do and your interests. I would very much enjoy discussing what you are doing and supporting your efforts.

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Long before we enter into marriage, we prepare remotely for this vocation. We all receive helpful, unhelpful, and sometimes damaging formation and modeling. This leaves many people apprehensive, unprepared, or hesitant regarding relationships.

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There are a lot of wonderful programs out there (ok and some that are not so wonderful). What I do is different.

I have a process to support you in understanding the nature of the family, assessing your own thoughts about it, preparing yourself for healthy relationships, building confidence in selecting the right person, and handling many related dating, marriage, and family topics.

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If your family of origin has experienced divorce or if you are dating or marrying someone whose family has experienced divorce or permanent separation, we will discuss how this can impact marriage and relationships. Awareness and healing in these areas will prepare you well for marriage. (See here for more related information.)

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Let's help your relationships develop a  good foundation.

Tell me about the audience for your podcast, workshop, summit, interview, or other presentation. I can tailor the messages that will be transformative for your audience.

Are you married, but your spouse has left and you are standing for the marriage vows you took on your wedding day? The term "stander" is often used to describe these heroic people.

Have you been told to "move on" if the other spouse has left?

There are resources and support for you. How do you find joy in the midst of this? Are there others experiencing this situation as well?

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Let's talk.

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